TOBY
[enters] Excuse me. I was waylaid.
C.J.
By what?
TOBY
30,000 tourists.
LARRY
You know, the protesters.
TOBY
No, don’t call them protesters, I’ve seen better organized crowds at the DMV.
LEO
Two tons this block of cheese weighed…
TOBY
[still muttering] In my day, we knew how to protest.
C.J.
What day was that?
TOBY
1968.
JOSH
How the hell old were you when you were protesting?
TOBY
My sisters took me. [staffers chuckle] Anybody have a problem with that?
LEO
No one has a problem with that.
TOBY
The police are always seven steps ahead of them. The cops know exactly where they’re
going to be and what’s going to happen. You know how they know? By logging onto their
website. We had the underground. We had rapid response.
C.J.
And by God, you were home by supper on a school night.
TOBY
These people are amateurs. What’s my assignment?
LEO
Meeting with the amateurs.
TOBY
Huh?
LEO
World Policy Studies is having a forum… there’ll be about a hundred of them.
TOBY
Doing what?
LEO
Listening to you conduct a free exchange of ideas.
TOBY
Really?
LEO
Josh thinks it’s a good idea.
TOBY
Oh well, if Josh thinks it’s a good idea, then you bet, I’ll do it.
LEO
Look…
TOBY
What else is there?
C.J.
I’ve got Cartographers for Social Equality.
JOSH
So, now you have two choices… meeting with an unruly mob or meeting with lunatic
mapmakers.
TOBY
Or getting paid a lot more money working almost anywhere else I want.
LEO
Seriously, Toby, there’ll be security there. But still…
TOBY
What about press?
C.J.
Just wires.
TOBY
No, I mean T.V.
C.J.
No cameras.
TOBY
You negotiated that?
C.J.
Yeah.
TOBY
They agreed to it?
C.J.
You want to make out with me right now, don’t you?
TOBY
Well, when don’t I?
—
CUT TO: EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. – DAY
The protesters are on the sidewalks, yelling. Toby is sitting in a car, whistling. The
car stops, and he rolls the window down.
TOBY
Toby Ziegler.
OFFICER
Yeah.
Toby continues whistling as he gets out of car.
CUT TO: INT. BUILDING – CONTINUOUS
RHONDA SACHS, another police officer, is standing by the door.
OFFICER
[over radio] Rhonda, this guy coming in is Toby Ziegler.
SACHS
Copy that.
Toby enters.
SACHS
Mr. Ziegler?
TOBY
Yes, ma’am.
SACHS
Rhonda Sachs. They asked me to make sure you go home in one piece.
TOBY
You fully trained?
SACHS
Yes.
TOBY
How many different ways you know how to kill a man?
SACHS
How many different ways do I need?
TOBY
I like you.
SACHS
Thank you.
TOBY
Officer Sachs?
SACHS
Yeah?
TOBY
It’s going to be a day at the beach.
—
FADE IN: INT. A SMALL AUDITORIUM – DAY
The protesters are gathered, yelling. Toby and Rhonda are on stage in the front.
TOBY
Fire your gun.
SACHS
I can’t fire a warning shot indoors.
TOBY
No, I mean fire at them. [beat] Just kidding.
TOBY
[to lead protester Webber] Hey, Solzhenitsyn. Come here. You’re the group leader?
TERRY WEBBER
Yeah, I am. I’m Terry Webber.
TOBY
You know what you did today that was really stupid? You gave away the cameras. With
cameras in here I’ve got a problem ‘cause I don’t want to look like I can’t control
the crowd. Without the cameras, I can sit here, read the sports section for two hours,
walk outside and say we talked. So, if you guys want to talk, that’s fine. But you’re
in charge of crowd control, know what I’m saying?
WEBBER
Yeah. [over bullhorn] Folks. People, let’s listen up.
The yelling subsides.
TOBY
Good morning… [microphone doesn’t work, raises voice] Good morning, my name is Toby
Ziegler and I’m the White House Communications Director and a senior domestic policy
advisor to the President.
PROTESTER 1
Advise him we need clean air more than free trade!
Yelling begins again.
PROTESTER 2
How many 12-year-olds made your shoes, Toby!?
GROUP
Global justice now! Global justice now! Global justice now!
TOBY
[to Sachs] You want to send out for pizza or something?
GROUP
Global justice now! Global justice now!
Toby sits down with a newspaper and puts his feet on the table.
—
CUT TO: INT. WORLD POLICY AUDITORIUM – DAY
The crowd is still yelling. Toby and Rhonda are at a table on stage.
WEBBER
[to protesters] Look, I’m not saying that we’re going to like their answers. I’m saying
we’re going to give him a chance to talk. Now if you do have a question…
PROTESTER 4
Yeah, my question is who elected his boss the people or Kaiser-Permanente?
PROTESTER 5
He’s not my President, let’s vote.
PROTESTER 6
Who do you really work for?
More yelling.
SACHS
[to Toby] You’re having a pretty good time, aren’t you?
TOBY
Well, it’s not like being at a Yankee game.
PROTESTER 7
You suck!
TOBY
Well, actually… [chuckles] Yeah, it’s like being at a Yankee game.
SACHS
So, Toby?
TOBY
Officer?
SACHS
Since you’re not really doing anything right now, I was wondering, what’s this all about?
TOBY
It’s about the WTO, Rhonda, the World Trade Organization.
SACHS
Well, I get that from the signs and the newspapers.
TOBY
The World Trade Organization’s a group of 140 countries who have agreed to specific trade
policies.
SACHS
So, what’s wrong with that?
TOBY
Nothing’s wrong with that.
SACHS
What would they say if I asked them the same question?
TOBY
They’d say the WTO benefits corporations and not people.
SACHS
Does it?
TOBY
Benefits both. [pause] Look at them.
SACHS
Yeah.
TOBY
Philistines.
SACHS
Take my nightstick and go kick their ass.
TOBY
Yeah, make all the jokes you want but let me tell you something they claim to speak for
the underprivileged but here in the blackest city in America, I’m looking at a room with
no black faces. No Asians, No Hispanics. Where the hell’s the Third World they claim to
represent?
SACHS
Lot of Third-Worlders in the Cabinet Room today, were there?
TOBY
You’re starting to bother me.
SACHS
That’s ‘cause I’m armed.
TOBY
No, I like that. [pause] I’m going outside.
The crowd continues yelling.
—
CUT TO: INT. WASHINGTON, D.C. STREET – DAY
The protesters are shouting.
TOBY
It’s activist vacation is what it is. Spring break for anarchist wannabes. The black
t-shirts, the gas masks as fashion accessories.
SACHS
These kids today, with the hair and the clothes…
TOBY
All right, that’s it, flatfoot.
SACHS
I got great feet.
TOBY
You want the benefits of free trade? Food is cheaper.
SACHS
Yes.
TOBY
Food is cheaper, clothes are cheaper, steel is cheaper, cars are cheaper, phone service
is cheaper. You feel me building a rhythm here? That’s ‘cause I’m a speechwriter and I
know how to make a point.
SACHS
Toby…
TOBY
It lowers prices, it raises income. You see what I did with ‘lowers’ and ‘raises’ there?
SACHS
Yes.
TOBY
It’s called the science of listener attention. We did repetition, we did floating opposites
and now you end with the one that’s not like the others. Ready? Free trade stops wars. And
that’s it. Free trade stops wars! And we figure out a way to fix the rest! One world, one
peace. I’m sure I’ve seen that on a sign somewhere.
SACHS
God, Toby… Wouldn’t it be great if there was someone around here with communication skills
who could go in there and tell them that?
TOBY
Shut up.
Josh enters through the police line.
JOSH
Toby…
TOBY
What are you doing here?
JOSH
Came down to see how it was going. [to Sachs] How’s it going? Josh Lyman.
SACHS
Rhonda Sachs.
JOSH
Any trouble?
SACHS
No.
TOBY
[raises his hand] Josh. The WTO is undemocratic, and accountable to no one, decisions
are made by Executive Directors and the developing world has little to say about
institutional policy.
JOSH
What was that?
TOBY
I protested to you.
JOSH
Why?
TOBY
‘Cause I’m not allowed to get arrested anymore.
JOSH
Let’s go back.
TOBY
No, I hate these people with the heat of a nova. Yet here I go.
SACHS
Attaboy.
TOBY
Shut up.
SACHS
I got your back, man, you know? Or not.
All three enter the building.
TOBY [enters] Excuse me. I was waylaid.
C.J. By what?
TOBY 30,000 tourists.
LARRY You know, the protesters.
TOBY No, don’t call them protesters, I’ve seen better organized crowds at the DMV.
LEO Two tons this block of cheese weighed…
TOBY [still muttering] In my day, we knew how to protest.
C.J. What day was that?
TOBY 1968.
JOSH How the hell old were you when you were protesting?
TOBY My sisters took me. [staffers chuckle] Anybody have a problem with that?
LEO No one has a problem with that.
TOBY The police are always seven steps ahead of them. The cops know exactly where they’re going to be and what’s going to happen. You know how they know? By logging onto their website. We had the underground. We had rapid response.
C.J. And by God, you were home by supper on a school night.
TOBY These people are amateurs. What’s my assignment?
LEO Meeting with the amateurs.
TOBY Huh?
LEO World Policy Studies is having a forum… there’ll be about a hundred of them.
TOBY Doing what?
LEO Listening to you conduct a free exchange of ideas.
TOBY Really?
LEO Josh thinks it’s a good idea.
TOBY Oh well, if Josh thinks it’s a good idea, then you bet, I’ll do it.
LEO Look…
TOBY What else is there?
C.J. I’ve got Cartographers for Social Equality.
JOSH So, now you have two choices… meeting with an unruly mob or meeting with lunatic mapmakers.
TOBY Or getting paid a lot more money working almost anywhere else I want.
LEO Seriously, Toby, there’ll be security there. But still…
TOBY What about press?
C.J. Just wires.
TOBY No, I mean T.V.
C.J. No cameras.
TOBY You negotiated that?
C.J. Yeah.
TOBY They agreed to it?
C.J. You want to make out with me right now, don’t you?
TOBY Well, when don’t I?
—
CUT TO: EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. – DAYThe protesters are on the sidewalks, yelling. Toby is sitting in a car, whistling. The car stops, and he rolls the window down.
TOBY Toby Ziegler.
OFFICER Yeah.
Toby continues whistling as he gets out of car.
CUT TO: INT. BUILDING – CONTINUOUSRHONDA SACHS, another police officer, is standing by the door.
OFFICER [over radio] Rhonda, this guy coming in is Toby Ziegler.
SACHS Copy that.
Toby enters.
SACHS Mr. Ziegler?
TOBY Yes, ma’am.
SACHS Rhonda Sachs. They asked me to make sure you go home in one piece.
TOBY You fully trained?
SACHS Yes.
TOBY How many different ways you know how to kill a man?
SACHS How many different ways do I need?
TOBY I like you.
SACHS Thank you.
TOBY Officer Sachs?
SACHS Yeah?
TOBY It’s going to be a day at the beach.
—
FADE IN: INT. A SMALL AUDITORIUM – DAYThe protesters are gathered, yelling. Toby and Rhonda are on stage in the front.
TOBY Fire your gun.
SACHS I can’t fire a warning shot indoors.
TOBY No, I mean fire at them. [beat] Just kidding.
TOBY [to lead protester Webber] Hey, Solzhenitsyn. Come here. You’re the group leader?
TERRY WEBBER Yeah, I am. I’m Terry Webber.
TOBY You know what you did today that was really stupid? You gave away the cameras. With cameras in here I’ve got a problem ‘cause I don’t want to look like I can’t control the crowd. Without the cameras, I can sit here, read the sports section for two hours, walk outside and say we talked. So, if you guys want to talk, that’s fine. But you’re in charge of crowd control, know what I’m saying?
WEBBER Yeah. [over bullhorn] Folks. People, let’s listen up.
The yelling subsides.
TOBY Good morning… [microphone doesn’t work, raises voice] Good morning, my name is Toby Ziegler and I’m the White House Communications Director and a senior domestic policy advisor to the President.
PROTESTER 1 Advise him we need clean air more than free trade!
Yelling begins again.
PROTESTER 2 How many 12-year-olds made your shoes, Toby!?
GROUP Global justice now! Global justice now! Global justice now!
TOBY [to Sachs] You want to send out for pizza or something?
GROUP Global justice now! Global justice now!
Toby sits down with a newspaper and puts his feet on the table.—
CUT TO: INT. WORLD POLICY AUDITORIUM – DAYThe crowd is still yelling. Toby and Rhonda are at a table on stage.
WEBBER [to protesters] Look, I’m not saying that we’re going to like their answers. I’m saying we’re going to give him a chance to talk. Now if you do have a question…
PROTESTER 4 Yeah, my question is who elected his boss the people or Kaiser-Permanente?
PROTESTER 5 He’s not my President, let’s vote.
PROTESTER 6 Who do you really work for?
More yelling.
SACHS [to Toby] You’re having a pretty good time, aren’t you?
TOBY Well, it’s not like being at a Yankee game.
PROTESTER 7 You suck!
TOBY Well, actually… [chuckles] Yeah, it’s like being at a Yankee game.
SACHS So, Toby?
TOBY Officer?
SACHS Since you’re not really doing anything right now, I was wondering, what’s this all about?
TOBY It’s about the WTO, Rhonda, the World Trade Organization.
SACHS Well, I get that from the signs and the newspapers.
TOBY The World Trade Organization’s a group of 140 countries who have agreed to specific trade policies.
SACHS So, what’s wrong with that?
TOBY Nothing’s wrong with that.
SACHS What would they say if I asked them the same question?
TOBY They’d say the WTO benefits corporations and not people.
SACHS Does it?
TOBY Benefits both. [pause] Look at them.
SACHS Yeah.
TOBY Philistines.
SACHS Take my nightstick and go kick their ass.
TOBY Yeah, make all the jokes you want but let me tell you something they claim to speak for the underprivileged but here in the blackest city in America, I’m looking at a room with no black faces. No Asians, No Hispanics. Where the hell’s the Third World they claim to represent?
SACHS Lot of Third-Worlders in the Cabinet Room today, were there?
TOBY You’re starting to bother me.
SACHS That’s ‘cause I’m armed.
TOBY No, I like that. [pause] I’m going outside.
The crowd continues yelling.—CUT TO: INT. WASHINGTON, D.C. STREET – DAYThe protesters are shouting.
TOBY It’s activist vacation is what it is. Spring break for anarchist wannabes. The black t-shirts, the gas masks as fashion accessories.
SACHS These kids today, with the hair and the clothes…
TOBY All right, that’s it, flatfoot.
SACHS I got great feet.
TOBY You want the benefits of free trade? Food is cheaper.
SACHS Yes.
TOBY Food is cheaper, clothes are cheaper, steel is cheaper, cars are cheaper, phone service is cheaper. You feel me building a rhythm here? That’s ‘cause I’m a speechwriter and I know how to make a point.
SACHS Toby…
TOBY It lowers prices, it raises income. You see what I did with ‘lowers’ and ‘raises’ there?
SACHS Yes.
TOBY It’s called the science of listener attention. We did repetition, we did floating opposites and now you end with the one that’s not like the others. Ready? Free trade stops wars. And that’s it. Free trade stops wars! And we figure out a way to fix the rest! One world, one peace. I’m sure I’ve seen that on a sign somewhere.
SACHS God, Toby… Wouldn’t it be great if there was someone around here with communication skills who could go in there and tell them that?
TOBY Shut up.
Josh enters through the police line.
JOSH Toby…
TOBY What are you doing here?
JOSH Came down to see how it was going. [to Sachs] How’s it going? Josh Lyman.
SACHS Rhonda Sachs.
JOSH Any trouble?
SACHS No.
TOBY [raises his hand] Josh. The WTO is undemocratic, and accountable to no one, decisions are made by Executive Directors and the developing world has little to say about institutional policy.
JOSH What was that?
TOBY I protested to you.
JOSH Why?
TOBY ‘Cause I’m not allowed to get arrested anymore.
JOSH Let’s go back.
TOBY No, I hate these people with the heat of a nova. Yet here I go.
SACHS Attaboy.
TOBY Shut up.
SACHS I got your back, man, you know? Or not.
All three enter the building.